Sunday, July 20, 2014

recent recurring ideas in my horoscopes

as a sagittarius, i am constantly on the lookout for new adventure and oppotunity. i used to use fear as a blanket to cover my insecurities.

what if i don't know how to do that?
what if i mess up?
what if i can't keep up?
what if this isn't what i want?
what if i don't like it?
what if....

but recently i have turned those what if's around and began thinking that

i will learn new things
i will learn from mistakes so i wont make them again
i will ask for help
i will find out if this is what i want
and if i don't, i can move on to the next big thing

nothing is set in stone.
so as i found out more and more about sagittarius and how that shapes me (personally), i gained a better understanding of myself and have found so many parallels to my personal life.

i recently applied to a new college, one that is closer to my home and that offers me more majors and classes to choose from. i took the jump and applied for a business major, which i was always hesitant about because i feel that i know nothing about business. but i let that fear take me and drag me down. made me overthink and shoot for something i didnt really want, but rather, would settle for.

well, fuck that.

so i took the jump. i feel good about the decision, because my current school is, erm, not for me. after i applied, i have been reading my horoscopes, daily, weekly, and monthly... and all have been highlighting big entrepreneurial opportunities coming my way. i know its not just going to happen, of course. but i also applied for an etrepreneurial internship at my current school for fall semester, to hopefully get me some experience and networking opportunities.

i just feel like i have a lot to look forward to. i want to be more creative and express myself more and just be happy with who i am and what i do. i feel like i am finally closing the first chapter of my life and finally entering something new and exciting. i feel like i have a specific direction that i am going in. and im not sure if this direction is the right one. in fact, it probably isnt. i may never find what makes me truly happy. i am too restless, too outspoken and too damn unsatisfied to settle for anything that doesnt make me feel 100%.
so maybe ill never find that, but even so,
the search ensues. and im gonna have a hell of a time.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

your words

you owe it to me
it's like you're a completely different person
that's so selfish of you

maybe i didn't show it while we were talking
but those words that you spat at me,
they danced across the dashboard and slapped me right on the face


im heartless, a selfish monster
the worst kind of person
but what the fuck was i supposed to do?

keep on pretending for you?
to be "happy" in something that
i no longer wanted?

maybe it is horrible of me.
i did't lie, though.
i was in love. i promise you, i was.

but my world grew. it expanded outward and
twisted across and smashed together and broke and
somewhere between picking up the pieces i realized i was different.

no, not in the way you make it seem. rather,
instead of "changing,"
i grew.

i met new people,
i discovered that what i truly wanted
was no longer what you wanted.

my needs shook me up, my wants took over,
my feelings began to grow more and more and i came to love
so many new people.

one of those was very unexpected. it hit me almost immediately
and i denied. i knew it. unintended, silly, and

i didnt stay away, though, and i knew
that i was going to
fuck up.

well, so maybe, hell yeah,
i did change. but i embraced that,
i grabbed it by the fucking hair and took it.

because maybe that's who i was all along.
i'm small but my teeth are gritting, my cheeks are burning,
and my fists are raised to the air.

screaming to the fucking world around me,
in a tangled web of feelings, heart restless, and kicking my
damn feet against the pavement,

this is me! accept it because i 
will not 
can not
for any of you mother fuckers 
who brought me down!

countless times, i apologized
for how i felt.
maybe i felt obligated.

no longer will i let you make me
feel inferior because you
didnt get your way this time.

perhaps everything else went according to
plan. well, i never signed up to be part of
that plan my whole life.

i didnt do a damn thing wrong,
but most of the blame is thrown toward me
like a ticking time bomb.

but i have found other happiness,
and i hope that
keeps you up at night.


Recently, there has been a lot of miscommunication and sadness in my life, and dealing with things I have never had to deal with before. I was ill-prepared for all that happened, because, well, I never thought it would happen. But looking back, I think that I was ready. I think that maybe, all this time, much had been wrong. I think maybe the good things covered up the things that were bad, and though there was a lot of good, the bad things really messed me up. Looking back at some writings, I see that it was probably more of a problem than I thought. I regret things. They regret things. But in the end, I'm glad it happened.



are you okay?
yeah, i'm fine. why?
you sound sad.

i think that's funny. i don't have much to be sad about but
they could easily detect the indifference.
but the one that i want to notice never does, really.
i'm automatically reassured that my worries are silly
and don't get much else after that.
the smaller pieces of my life are making me happy.
is that how it's supposed to be? how it should be?
is it natural to overthink the big things
that should make me the happiest but just aren't?

you shouldn't feel insecure.
you are beautiful,
i love you, i want you.
i dont have any reason to think otherwise.
i dont doubt you but i
doubt myself.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Made: DIY Heart Stationary

Happy Monday!
Okay so maybe not "happy," but I HOPE that your Monday is going well. 

To make it better, I have a heart stationary DIY!

So cute right?! And simple! This will save you money, and it's also a lot more heart-felt and customized when you make it yourself.

What you need:

  1. Old Pencil that still has an eraser
  2. Envelopes, paper... whatever you want to embellish
  3. Knife or another sharp object for cutting the stamp
  4. Red or pink paint... or any color! You can customize favorite colors
All you have to do is cut an old eraser into a heart. Use the sharp object you have to round out the edges. Dip your homemade stamp into some paint, and use it like a stamp! This can be used for cards, envelopes, and photos. To get the fading effect, I dipped my stamp in paint, started from the corner, and worked my way out without re-dipping my stamp until only faint edges appeared. I repeated this 4-5 times.

I can't wait to send out cards using out my new envelopes. I hope you enjoy!